February 28, 2024

Back Up Out the Gravesite...

She hath risen again! Hen is back for a major comeback - again!

For the few of you left in my loyal coop, you know this is my longest hiatus by far. It was not planned, and I'm back with nothing profound or dramatic to share. I even have a draft in progress for my grand return - started nearly 2 YEARS AGO. Even 2 years ago, a younger sporadic blogger (me!) knew I'd left you too long. While that draft has some decent giggles you may never see, it's also a fancy list of excuses for an uninspired and out-of-touch writer. Two years later, my coop deserves better!

January 28, 2022

A Buc Shy of Perfect

 For anyone feeling sad this week from the Buccaneers' final-seconds loss playoff Sunday, I am too. This is for us and the Bucs. While this Hen isn't full of cackles this week, the Bucs and the fans deserve an homage to the year, even here on this silly blog.

It strings more because of how close the Bucs came to an unreal comeback win. It hurts more because after winning the Super Bowl last year, anything less than winning it again is a disappointment. It's a gut punch because in spite of unprecedented injuries and adversity all season, the team still won the most games in its history - just missing another Super Bowl win. So while every player, coach, and fan deserves to sit in sadness this week, there's also so much to look back on with pride, as it was another magical season, only without the fairy tail ending. 

November 17, 2021


 Britney Spears has given this Hen life once again. She's also regained her own life: Britney is FREE! I had been feeling uninspired, unfunny, and underpaid (still accepting donations), but Britney and I are back on track. I'm clawing out of a brief and mild depression, and she's clawing out of a 13-year conservatorship, where she had no control of her personal life nor her own fortune, while her own family exploited her very existence for their personal gain. We've both been through a lot.

it's been a long life.

July 28, 2021

From Hockey Hater to Lightning Lover

 As I still wipe away tears of joy from the Tampa Bay Lightning's second Stanley Cup Championship in a row, and throwing all my money at new championship merch, I realized that all this was not for my beloved Buccaneers. What was I doing and how did this home-wrecker of a team glide into my heart too? I'm adding more Lightning blue garb to compliment the Bucs red in my home, accidentally displaying enough blue and red to look that kind of "patriotic" I'm not going for. Now that I'm in too deep emotionally and financially, I'm reflecting on how I accidentally became a hockey fan and self-diagnosing a new mental condition. So join me on my journey from hockey hater to Lightning lover!

come glide with me.

February 14, 2021

I Had a Dream... and It Wasn't a Nightmare: Bucs Win!

Ahoy, coop!

I had this really weird dream that the Tampa Bay Buccaneers got to play in the Super Bowl in their own stadium, and Tom Brady was their quarterback; so they won. But 2/3 of the stadium was filled with cardboard cut-outs of people, and the real people had to cover their faces most of the time.

Oh, wait...

That allegedly happened. The dystopia of 2020 clearly hasn't stopped for 2021. In the meantime, I'll be hoarding every newspaper article, picture, and all bootleg merchandise for the rest of the year.

Shifting gears for a new year after the greatest Super Bowl in history, The Hen is here to talk about sports ball! For those of you who are pure, originalist Cackling Hen fans, don't fret: My next article will return to babbling about idiot passengers, how that former president is still flaming human garbage shit, and/or Britney. 

yay, sports!

If you missed it - The Tampa Bay Buccaneers, my favorite football team, won Super Bowl 55. While we all fought for our lives during a global pandemic, the Buccaneers decided: THIS is our year to win the Super Bowl! They lured down Tom Brady, Gronk, other talents, and one alleged felon who can catch a ball. They all gelled at the right time, won it all, and celebrated in true Tampa style: drunk on boats. So if you're wondering why I care, why you should care, or what's a Buccaneer, this article is for you!

December 14, 2020

HENniversary! Hen Turns 10 Part II: Pecks at Fame

The dumpster fire of 2020 continues to burn strong, but it's still my clucking 10-year HENniversary! In Part I: A Hen is Born, I give you the details and my birth (not messy!) and rise to local celebrity. But my reign over the University of South Florida St. Petersburg's Crows Nest couldn't last forever. Since getting the boot (graduating) in 2011, most of The Hen's life has lived here on this blog. Whether you're just joining, obsessed with every Hen article, or a Ukrainian bot, let's relive some of The Hen's highlights and glory!

August 18, 2020

HENniversary! Hen Turns 10 Part I: How the Cluck Was The Hen Born?

It's My 10-year HENniversary! I thought this was a big deal until I looked up what precious metal goes with a 10 year: tin. I'll be drinking canned beer to celebrate. 

I've been dreading this moment where I'd actually have to do something big on The Hen to commemorate this anniversary. Thankfully 2020 happened, showing many more things to dread like a global pandemic, blatant racism, and that orange criminal still in the White House. Now that the pressure's off, let's get clucking! 

July 5, 2020

Help End the Nightmare!

The last 4 years have been a fucking nightmare. I said it.

Like any period of time, there have been wonderful things and terrible things, great days and tough days, for all of us. But if you didn't guess, the nightmare has been that vile, real-life movie villain that somehow became president of the United States. Whoops!

...and my sanity and blood pressure.

The fact that this orange, evil buffoon got anywhere close to, let alone INTO, the White House has shown many of us that we can't just sit back and assume the right people will be voted into power. 2016 showed me that complacency is not an option with such human garbage leading the free world. 2016 also showed me that generic sleeping pills are no match for the 24-hour nightmare called the Trump Administration.

Now I'm getting to the good (well, better) part. Like me, I'm sure many of you have asked the question, "How can I help make Trump go away screaming and crying as a loser in 2020?" (or something similar) Good news: there are many options! Thankfully, many people and organizations are also fired up to do anything it takes to help get the orange clown out of power. I'm here as one Hen to share the few things I'm doing safely from home that are simple, but have the potential to be very effective! (And all these organizations will train you quickly and easily via a Zoom session or video tutorial.)

April 14, 2020

2020 Democratic Primary. In Memoriam.

Bernie Sanders is the final candidate to drop out of the busy Democratic Primary race, leaving Joe Biden as the last man standing and the presumed party nominee. For 2016, I created a guide to the Republican Primary candidates that now is a traumatic time capsule I refuse to read again. Since that guide didn't age well, I opted for a recap for this primary. And my catty comments on these wanna-bes won't be relevant for much longer. We've already forgotten about at least half of them.

Let's remember all the fun these losing candidates offered us in the 2020 fight to pick someone better than the current human garbage piece in the Oval Office. In no particular order! ...

March 23, 2020

TB = Tom Brady AND Tampa Bay (not from The Onion)

Coronavirus has changed the world in ways we've never seen. Millions of people are quarantined in their homes. Toilet paper is gone. And Tom Brady is a Buccaneer.

There has been zero sports news with zero sporting events, but for the first time in my life, I will thank Tom Brady. We'll get to the Twilight Zone part where Tom joins Tampa Bay, but first, I thank Tom Brady for making news unrelated to the global pandemic.

Everything is cancelled and people's homes are now their personal jail cells, but Tom Brady's coming still registers as an Onion article in my mind, just like a Donald Trump presidency. But after many refreshes and journalistic research, it is true and I repeat: Tom Brady is a Tampa Bay Buccaneer.