November 13, 2017

Winners Never Win and Quitters Never Quit

In spite of my recent inactivity and dedication to posting memes on Facebook, The Hen is still a writer at heart. All writers, from prize winning to volunteer, need inspiration. Even the funniest birds sometimes don't feel inspired or funny. Aside from that fun little hurricane, this has been The Hen life lately.

But don't despair! It's going to take more than a full-time job and mild depression to clip my wings! As each day got harder to get out of bed and face the world, I started to think of how I could return to my mild success on the Internet. Each day as I sat caged at my desk, I mentally plotted how I could peck through the chicken wire back to my cackling self. Finally, I plotted a simple but brilliant plan: I quit.

September 20, 2017

What I Learned from Irmageddon

It's been over a week of recovery since the horrendous Hurricane Irma. The Hen got the true brunt of her wraith as her eye passed over the coop around 1 a.m. Now that I have power, Internet, and one less palm tree, I've been reflective of her visit. Death and destruction aside, I think I maybe learned a thing or two from her unwelcome trip.

When a hurricane is coming, people lose their god damn minds over bottled water. Yes, PLEASE be prepared for the worst and hope for the best. But one full week before the storm, every store in Florida was out of water. All I overheard out in public for days was people talking about water, and how there was none. In their panic, 99% of these people forgot about that old-timey treat called "tap water." They also forgot that stores still sold a variety of containers that could hold such tap water. Instead, much of the public complained driving from store to store, bought cases on the black market for $75, or just hoarded every last bottle they found (if they were lucky). A for effort in preparedness; F for critical thinking. Our plumbing was also unaffected without electricity, and I enjoyed some lovely tap water during the apocalyptic winds.

July 15, 2017

Prayers Answered: Kesha's Back.

Have you heard Kesha's huge comeback song, "Praying?" If not, now is the time and it's my Hen duty to bring it to you.

It's been a while since I've written an installment of "The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly," and Kesha has inspired me to bring it back. Unfortunately, I'm too enthralled with this song and screaming that high note to find anything bad or ugly. Dammit, Kesha. I never thought you'd be too "good" for this type of article. 

June 25, 2017

My Spanish Romantic Comedy, Plucked.

One small beauty of still job hunting for the perfect, long-term career is that there's no boss to say, "No, you can't go on a 2 1/2 week trip." So I did. We won't discuss the financial downside, since this is The Cackling, not Crying, Hen.

This will be fun.
When 2 sets of friends planned their weddings 10 days apart at different parts of the globe, I knew I'd be at both somehow. The first wedding would be in Spain, and I was thrilled to have an excuse to return to one of my favorite countries. And it would be embarrassing to travel all the way to Spain for a weekend, so I booked a solid week for celebration, frolicking, and self-discovery. After the wedding festivities, I'd have a few days most likely to myself, just like a romantic comedy. I'm an independent only child; this was going to be great! Who knew what shenanigans I'd find and who I'd meet?

Thankfully, a few friends and the bride lingered in Malaga as well to keep the fun going, because it turns out that I'm not a movie character who finds life and love alone in Europe. I had a few romanticized ideas about flying solo in Spain that didn't come to life. Maybe some movies aren't true after all.

May 20, 2017

Worst Trip Ever.

Pinnacle of my career
All fictional bird personas have their highs and lows. Times were good in 2014 when I shared the perfect Grumpy Cat meme at just the right time and got all the credit. Since then, Grumpy Cat has fallen off the social radar, and I've followed that cat's paw steps like a dumb dodo. I realize and accept that my current status is with Grumpy Cat and other Z-List celebs just trying to stay relevant. Plans are in the works for a talk show, clothing line, and presidential run, but until then, here are some more words thrown together on the Internet.

April 15, 2017

Good Coffee Gone Bad.

My last few articles have clucked about some important life events: quitting a terrible job, running for president, and what I want for Christmas. While quitting my job created a mild stir, I got nothing I wanted for Christmas and I'm still not president. So I'm taking this bird back to its roots of clucking about more trivial, annoying things. Today, I bring you my cautionary tale of a coffee drink to avoid.

Like a young, normal chick, I went to a friend's party Saturday night. These days, my social plans consist of happy hours or "none." So when this party started after dark, I wanted a little energy boost for my drive. I chose coffee over beer for the cupholder, and begin my journey.

March 5, 2017

New Job/Old Job/Current Job

I did it!
As time flutters by and depression weighs in during a Trump "presidency," The Hen has sadly evolved into a monthly newsletter. Thankfully, a backwards agenda can't shut down a volunteer blog, so The Hen will carry on through it all. Even if it's less frequently, we've come too far together and you've followed my silliness for too long to let mild despair shut me down! The Hen will keep clucking and you should too.

Since my last article about my utter failure at a new job was a smash hit (I really quit!), I guess I should continue with that for that ratings. Thankfully for my blog, my journey with the new/old job didn't end after I quit.

January 22, 2017

My New Job, My Old Job

To-do list.
As I wrote in the two-part series, "I Quit," I'm not good at quitting. Maybe it's a fear of change or maybe I actually like ice skating, but I'm just not good at quitting unless I'm physically forced out of it. School makes you "graduate" and jobs "fire" you, but otherwise, I stick it out. Even if some friendships turn henemy, I can't let go until they block my number and social media accounts.

This past week was one of new beginnings and wonderful new endings. I accomplished a life-long goal: I quit!