HEN FOR PRESIDENT and My New Careers!

You're hired? 

Well, it's been over a week since that big event happened and over 60 million Americans voted for a 4-year return of "The Apprentice." Only in America do we have the freedom to elect a leader based on lies and hateful speeches instead of a highly-qualified woman. God bless it. Freedom's great, right? Right?

But in times of sickness and tragedy, laughter is the best medicine, and The Hen delivers. So instead of being distraught that this election was the biggest embarrassment in the world, or being worried that your rights are in jeopardy, let's focus on the positive from this travesty! Every cloud has a silver lining, even if it's just a speck.


Think about this: Donald Trump reaffirmed, and literally proved the notion that anyone, anyone, ANYONE, can run for president. Trump is that unqualified American citizen. Congratulations, sir!

So, Mr. Trump has reinspired me in reaching for my dream career because who needs experience or skills? He's also inspired me to follow the footsteps of Washington, Lincoln, and Nixon. VOTE HEN IN 2040.

Until I become America's first fowl leader, I will pursue some other careers to gain vital experience.

BEST SHOW EVER!

• Talk show host. My coop and I talk all the time and are hilarious. Imagine the best Hen articles, but in live video form! Why not invite viewers to follow along and enjoy our chit chats? We bring up relevant topics like politics, stupid people, boys, Britney Spears and One Direction. (Some of these topics overlap.) What's not to love?

• Music video star. I love starring in music videos, I just haven't gotten paid for any yet. I have the vision, and with a bigger budget, and I could create bigger greatness!

• Making millions from The Cackling Hen. In spite of my month-long breaks and questionable content, I do love writing and sharing my stories and silliness. Haven't I volunteered enough with hundreds of articles? It's time to pay this bird for such Internet contributions! I dare you to find a comparable writing and cackling bird.

Don't worry, Britney. I'll get that for you.

• Britney or Zayn's personal assistant. I'm loyal, responsible, and obsessive. I'll keep haters away and help promote his or her brand. Britney and Zayn, you'd both better bid on me first before the other one snatches me up! I haven't thought of a tie breaker yet if you both contact me at the same time, but I'm creative.

• Travel Instagrammer. Hens on Ice opened my eyes and love for travel and new places. I'm a little too old now to be touring and twirling full time, but I still love pretty places and Instagram. I have any eye for the right angles and filters, and I have a moderate following. This would be a perfect fit. 

KEEP READING! "In Zayn We Trust."

Better Choices Than Trump.

My Never Ending Returns to the Ice.