August 26, 2015

4/5 Direction Can't Stay as One

Zayn, you started the sadness.
Since launching my huge comeback with "Stages of Emotional Coping Leaving Hens on Ice," I vow to (probably) never have such a long hiatus away from the scene again. So to keep this comeback going and to never have to do another one, I need to keep clucking. Thankfully, unemployment could really help me out with this.

Although I lamented Zayn's departure from One Direction and essentially wrote them off as a band without him, 4/5 Direction officially announced they'll soon be disbanding, or "taking a break." Since the rumors turned announcement, my friends have been graffiti-ing my Facebook wall with links to this news, memes commenting on their inferiority, and condolences. For this news, I'm in a much better mental state, as my emotional meltdown happened when Zayn left.

August 22, 2015

The Comeback! Stages of Emotional Coping Leaving Hens on Ice

After my longest hiatus in Hen history, I am back to pecking with a vengeance. I won't waste your time with apologies or excuses, and now that I'm unemployed, let's get clucking!

I've given much thought to exactly how I want to come back, especially since I didn't plan to be absent long enough for a comeback. I'm hopeful this return will be more like a Justin Timberlake or Kelly Clarkson splash, and less like a Jessica Simpson "who cares about her anymore?" Please care about this Hen and tell your friends.
How mature hens bruise.

The big news for this bird: I have retired from Hens on Ice. I know you're thinking that I'm too young to retire as a probably-maybe-maybe-not 21 year old. Well, these thirt...twenty-something bones and feathers don't quite have the spring of an 18 year old (they have learned to bruise nicely), and I decided to walk away with fond memories before ending up in a wheel chair or the bitter barn. Since Hens on Ice has been a huge part of my life for 4 years, it's been an emotional roller coaster to get to the numb, unemployed hen living in denial that I am today. But for future birds who try to leave Hens on Ice, I've compiled the emotional stages of leaving this whacky bird tour.