August 26, 2015

4/5 Direction Can't Stay as One

Zayn, you started the sadness.
Since launching my huge comeback with "Stages of Emotional Coping Leaving Hens on Ice," I vow to (probably) never have such a long hiatus away from the scene again. So to keep this comeback going and to never have to do another one, I need to keep clucking. Thankfully, unemployment could really help me out with this.

Although I lamented Zayn's departure from One Direction and essentially wrote them off as a band without him, 4/5 Direction officially announced they'll soon be disbanding, or "taking a break." Since the rumors turned announcement, my friends have been graffiti-ing my Facebook wall with links to this news, memes commenting on their inferiority, and condolences. For this news, I'm in a much better mental state, as my emotional meltdown happened when Zayn left.

So, 4/5 Direction is following Zayn's footsteps; is anyone truly surprised? They've been such an overly-packaged deal as 5 since their creation, that seeing a group of 4 always just seemed like someone was missing. Even though I know Zayn is busy pursuing his solo career, dying his hair, breaking hearts, and acting like a twat on Twitter, I'm still waiting for his high note in the "Drag Me Down" video. As much as I begrudgingly like their first single as a foursome, it's just a little hollow without Zayn's high notes and face. I've said it to every wall post and I'll say it again: it was only a matter of time since Zayn left. The group would have been fine if Louis disappeared.

While Harry and Zayn will fight it out for who has a more successful solo career, that leaves 3 cute, pretty-talented faces of the band to see who will be the biggest rogue hot mess, who will be hosting TV shows, and who will fade into the darkness of normalcy and bankruptcy. My bets for these 3:
Careful, Liam.

  • Louis: Calvin Klein modeling, turned H&M modeling, turned Primark modeling, turned dating D-list celebs to try to stay relevant.
  • Liam: Goes off the grid to live a "normal life," has a stint of drug and alcohol abuse, recovers and comes back into the spotlight with a solo album and memoir that receive a lukewarm 5 minutes of attention. Dabbles in acting, producing, and mediocrity. (Which is a shame, because Liam is the most underrated 1D member. Your future is unfair, Liam.)
  • Niall: The gay one. He'll be fine.

On his way.

When Harry Meets Britney.
Former *NSYNC member Joey Fatone also has his open letter to the 4/5D boys, which is the best thing The Hen has ever read, so we'll see who is more accurate in their predictions. Since I let out much of my distress, nostalgia, and dramatics in "END OF THE BEST BAND EVER," I'll keep this short and sweet. Jokes, haters, and Zayn aside, I've had a great time bopping to 1D tunes since my first year with Hens on Ice, and I'll miss their presence in the pop music world. As long as some solo albums come from the boys and Britney keeps trying, I'll be okay. 

No comments:

Post a Comment