Bar Flies That Need Swatting

Lakeland's hot spot, once.

My friend SamHentha and I recently flapped to a local Lakeland watering hole for a few drinks, reminiscing, and hopefully a free drag show. It was a bumpin' spot when 3 casts of Hens on Ice were in town a few years ago, and it's never lived up the grandeur since. Regardless, it's fun to comment on how much less fun it is without 50 of our skating hens.

When the drag show took a horrendous turn into "stand-up comedy," all the crazies from Lakeland got bored with the entertainment and turned to us as fresh meat. We've all dealt with the random drunk stranger at the bar who just wants to be friends, but on this night, these hammered birds pulled up stools and joined our table for two. We had the fortune of dealing with multiple types of drunks, and it reminded me of the different kinds of crazies that I never want to speak to at the bar.

That'll Be "Mr. Cackling Hen" to you: Hen's Classroom!

Let's learn about sports and race!

The Cackling Hen is becoming a teacher! Call it a noble career change, a poor life choice, or a midlife crisis, but I'm out to educate America's youth! Maybe one day I'll have a world-wide education program and my own education system, but for now, I'm getting my ducks and hens in a row and applying to teaching jobs in the Sunshine State. I'm set to put Florida back on the map for education instead of gun violence and chewed-up faces.

I have been interested in pursuing teaching for years, and since leaving Hens on Ice, it just took one scary job interview to frighten me into actually doing it. Hearing the words "profit margins" and "office" from a man in a suit had me flapping immediately out of his dingy office and onto the Florida Department of Education's website. Please tell me what to do so I never hear "profit margin" again.

Surprise Instagram Study! Shocking Results!

#Science

In just 2 Instagram posts, I inadvertently created a social experiment that gave a glimpse into my friends' minds. My initial intention was not to cross-examine my coop, but rather catch up on posting very important pictures to this social medium. I had 5 free minutes and 2 pictures needed to be filtered and shared: a selfie of my new hair cut and a Bloody Mary from Sunday's brunch. After posting, I enjoyed checking the "likes" and comments, but as I checked the notifications, I realized these little red hearts and words were revealing more about my friends than any of us realized. In The Hen's first exclusive (marginally) scientific study, I'll reveal my findings so you can also conduct a study of your own! (In lieu of donations and flowers, please share this revealing article with your friends!)