January 8, 2016

Surprise Instagram Study! Shocking Results!

In just 2 Instagram posts, I inadvertently created a social experiment that gave a glimpse into my friends' minds. My initial intention was not to cross-examine my coop, but rather catch up on posting very important pictures to this social medium. I had 5 free minutes and 2 pictures needed to be filtered and shared: a selfie of my new hair cut and a Bloody Mary from Sunday's brunch. After posting, I enjoyed checking the "likes" and comments, but as I checked the notifications, I realized these little red hearts and words were revealing more about my friends than any of us realized. In The Hen's first exclusive (marginally) scientific study, I'll reveal my findings so you can also conduct a study of your own! (In lieu of donations and flowers, please share this revealing article with your friends!)

The Cackling Hen's 2016 Instagram Study of Friends:

I posted these 2 pictures within a few moments of each other, so they were most likely next to each other in my friends' feeds.

Bloody Mary and Selfie, minus their witty captions.

Some friends liked both pictures, but I noticed many only liked one of the photos, which means they most likely chose not to like other one, even though they're side by side and lovely pictures in their own rights. Let's have a deeper look into what happened.

Drink: 20 likes, 4 comments
Me: 17 likes, 1 comment

To start, my friends like pretty alcoholic drinks better than my face. I'm okay with it. There are other factors for this I'll choose to ignore, like alcoholism, they're stressed at work, or they really only tolerate me for my jokes, not my looks. But based on this social media behavior, I've grouped the friends who unknowingly participated into 3 types of people:

Those who liked both photos: These are good, true friends. We have a lot in common and a solid foundation to our friendship, since they like my face and drinking choices. Sure, some of them may be a little generous with the "likes," but I'll take whatever appreciation and attention I can get. Thanks, double-likers! There were 7 of you.

Those who only liked the drink: These friends are lushes. Sure, drinking is a strong foundation with most of my good friends, but they couldn't like my face too? It's right next to the drink! One little tap! I still love you all and can't wait for the next good time at the bar, but I've noted your names. There are 14 of you. Twice as many friends chose tomato juice and vodka over my face.

Those who only liked my face: Clearly you're in love with me. Your little "like" spoke volumes, especially since you ignored such a beautiful, delicious drink. I guess you're being shy and passive with your obsession, but I could be interested. Let's talk about this. There are 9 of you, so act fast! (Okay, 8 if you take my cousin out of the mix.) There is also a slim chance these friends are unsatisfied with their own hair stylists.

I have purposely excluded comment analysis, and any other form of analysis, as that could have clouded such bold findings. I encourage all of you to conduct your own similar, secretive study on Instagram and share your results with The Hen! You may find your secret love or realize all your friends are drunks. 

*Margin of error: 0 to extremely likely.
*I am aware of the holes and error's of this study's scientific method.

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