HEN FOR PRESIDENT and My New Careers!

You're hired? 

Well, it's been over a week since that big event happened and over 60 million Americans voted for a 4-year return of "The Apprentice." Only in America do we have the freedom to elect a leader based on lies and hateful speeches instead of a highly-qualified woman. God bless it. Freedom's great, right? Right?

But in times of sickness and tragedy, laughter is the best medicine, and The Hen delivers. So instead of being distraught that this election was the biggest embarrassment in the world, or being worried that your rights are in jeopardy, let's focus on the positive from this travesty! Every cloud has a silver lining, even if it's just a speck.

In Zayn We Trust

Something important.

Once again, it's time for a huge Hen comeback! I'm aiming for more comebacks than Cher to increase my exposure and justify my common writing droughts. I have not been ignoring my faithful coup; I've just been searching for right inspiration. There is truly nothing funny about this horrid election - that onslaught of coverage has been filling every media wavelength and crushing my soul. So I had to think of other important cackling topics to peck at. My mild depression? No. My search for life meaning and a salaried job? No way. Thankfully, there is a shred of hope left in 2016: ZAYN PUBLISHED HIS OWN BOOK.

Part of my mild depression stems from the gradual dissembling of One Direction. I cried purchasing the last calendar that would feature all 5 of them together, and I still sob hearing their final single, "History." But Zayn read my dramatic 3 a.m. tweets and came to my rescue.