My Double Axel Saga in My...

This is 30.

WARNING: I'm going to have real talk in this article about my age that I'll forever deny in future clucks. 

Since I turned 30 and began my midlife crisis fading away from show hen life, I have been clinging to recording my go-to, somewhat-challenging trick: the double axel. The video recording started on my 30th birthday, when I thought it would be cool to capture me doing a double axel on this
significant, ancient birthday, as well as on a battered hip. (30-year-old birds bruise easily.) That same week, I left my Hen on Ice show of 4 years and faced midlife confusion, rejection, and existential dread, with some ice skating in between.

Learning to Fly: This is Not the Ice Show!

It's been a whirlwind of life again since quitting my second job of 2017.  Although I've proven unsuccessful at quitting ice skating, I'm now a pro at quitting soul-sucking office jobs. Since flapping away from office job attempt #2, I returned to the ice show, lost a grandma, and took a flying leap of faith into an entirely new career path. Free time and humor have been sparse, but the universe can't cluck me out yet! In fact, my new career makes too much sense in retrospect: I've learned to fly.

I Quit.

"I quit."

I QUIT!

Don't fear - I'm not quitting the volunteer blogging business. But these are words I'm not good at saying, along with "no" and "Britney's past her prime." I'm good at leaving things unfinished like cleaning and writing books, but once I'm committed, I'm not a quitter. I don't even quit jobs; I just move or I'm asked to stop showing up because I "graduated." And technically, I'm still working on my book and my room, even if my work's been on hiatus since 2012.

I have quit ice skating: many times. But in quitting skating, I've been an utter failure. I'm the hen who cried wolf of ending my skating career. After my tearful, dramatic farewell to Hens on Ice lasted a mere 6 weeks, no one believes me when I cry again at the next show and say, "This is it!" You'll all be sorry one day when you don't take my sobbing farewell to the ice seriously, whether that day comes this year or before my 2048 presidential run. Until then, let's reflect on my history of quitting.

Local Celebs at The Friday's!

My theme for this year has been big comebacks and big hiatuses. For the hiatuses, I'm sorry. No one is more disappointed than me. For the comebacks, you're welcome! I accept "thank you" cards and gifts. As I write this after another brief absence, I can't expect many gifts, but maybe I can pray for a like or a comment. I'll even ask for a share if it doesn't come across as greedy.

Reserved Friday's patio seating.

This bird recently joined a different group of Hens on Ice for a Christmas show. We stay in one place for 2 months, so it offers a different dynamic than traveling to a new city each week. One pro (and con) with that is getting to become true locals at the local hot spots, like the TGI Friday's.

Usually referred to as "The Friday's," a group of us hens flap there most nights after work, as it's across the street and has an unbeatable late night happy hour. But in the countless mornings that I wake up in a not-so-happy hour haze, I reflect on another night that at least one of us (usually me) has been a true fool at The Friday's.

The Comeback! Stages of Emotional Coping Leaving Hens on Ice

After my longest hiatus in Hen history, I am back to pecking with a vengeance. I won't waste your time with apologies or excuses, and now that I'm unemployed, let's get clucking!

I've given much thought to exactly how I want to come back, especially since I didn't plan to be absent long enough for a comeback. I'm hopeful this return will be more like a Justin Timberlake or Kelly Clarkson splash, and less like a Jessica Simpson "who cares about her anymore?" Please care about this Hen and tell your friends.

How mature hens bruise.

The big news for this bird: I have retired from Hens on Ice. I know you're thinking that I'm too young to retire as a probably-maybe-maybe-not 21 year old. Well, these thirt...twenty-something bones and feathers don't quite have the spring of an 18 year old (they have learned to bruise nicely), and I decided to walk away with fond memories before ending up in a wheel chair or the bitter barn. Since Hens on Ice has been a huge part of my life for 4 years, it's been an emotional roller coaster to get to the numb, unemployed hen living in denial that I am today. But for future birds who try to leave Hens on Ice, I've compiled the emotional stages of leaving this whacky bird tour.

Weird Things In My Coop Part II

As I become less motivated to keep cleaning my coup, I continue to find bizarre items that inspire me to continue. I've had a few minor breakdowns as tasks that should take minutes take days, but these odd gems are the seeds that keep me pecking for more. Here are a few more of my serendipitous finds.

1. Perfil Magazine's May 2011 issue. I have a feeling a few of you may not be familiar with Perfil, Tucson, Arizona's publication highlighting the Hispanic community's (Okay, the whole city's) events through glossy photos. The magazine is written in Spanish and highlights quincineras, birthday parties, and Cinco de Mayo. It's yearbook style, with photo after photo of big groups wearing all sorts of colorful outfits that scream, "fiesta!" But since I haven't been to Arizona since 2008, I have no idea how Perfil meandered its way to one of my drawers in Florida. Now I want to crash a quincinera.