A Roaring Cluck at Katy Perry

Two of pop music's biggest divas came back roaring to the top of the charts with new singles. Katy Perry and Lady Gaga released their respective new singles recently, flooding the radio airwaves with "Roar" and "Applause." While any Lady Gaga video deserves a hearty peck from The Hen, I'm here to take my first peck at Perry. I have a cluck to her roar.

Meow.

Perry's single, "Roar," has been the number one song on iTunes and roaring on the radio. I was excited when I heard the title. I like powerful animal noises, like clucking. But after hearing it, "Roar" sounded more like a meow from my whiny house cat. It's not a sassy dance jam or a soulful power ballad - it's a run-of-the-mill, mid-tempo pop song trying too hard to be empowering and meaningful. But it's catchy and I can see its appeal, so fine. I'll flap for cover as the next Katy Perry tidal wave heads our way.

Don't Poke the Mario Lopez

Keep the lights low.

In an effort to broaden its demographic from the elderly, chain smokers, and/or addicts, The Seminole Hard Rock in Tampa began "Hot Summer Nights Poolside Parties" on Friday nights. Held in the renovated pool area, getting in the pool seems against the rules. Instead, there are drink stands, music, and hundreds of cougars clawing for free drink samples and male attention. But as summer continued to boil, Hard Rock made some strategic changes to its pool parties - add more entertainment and push the time back past sunset to help hide the guests' crow's feet.

Each pool party has had a DJ, and a few added a celebrity guest. Early in the summer, I heard Mario Lopez would be coming, so I marked my calendar immediately for that event. The only other celeb who'd be coming this summer was a former Playboy Bunny. Pass.

Home Is Where the Stalker Is

A place for lucky ducks.

While I was in Colorado for my hen friend's wedding, I also had the freedom and free time to flutter around my old pecking grounds. When I did the math, I could hardly believe it'd been 9 years since I moved away from Colorado. Time flies when you have wings.

Like any return to an area we've called home, it's bittersweet. It's joyous to visit some favorite spots, it's sad seeing some beloved places that are changed and unfamiliar, or no longer there. All the sights are filled with memories, both good and bad, but memories from home are strong, and I enjoy revisiting and reflecting. It's also nice that I lived there long enough to not get lost or need a GPS.

I Just Wanted to Be Thrifty Part I

I had flowing hair before this search.

This summer has been an ongoing saga planning a trip to my hen friend's wedding in August. Once we flew into June and I knew I could go, I pecked through the entire Internet to find the best airfares and car rental prices. In 2013, we have countless ways and resources to find the best deal and save money. But with that comes a nasty repercussion: we have countless ways and resources to find a deal. So instead of the old days, where I could make one or two phone calls and accept whatever price they told
me, I can spend an entire week pecking through the Internet, visiting the company websites and third party discount websites, checking different dates, comparing what city is cheapest to depart, comparing which city is cheapest to arrive, debating if I can finagle a non-stop flight, wondering if prices will be lower tomorrow, wondering if prices will be higher tomorrow, comparing if it's cheaper to buy two one-ways or a roundtrip ticket, wondering why rental cars are so damn expensive, and wondering how long it would takes for someone to find me after I bash my face into the keyboard.

One Direction's Best Song, Like, EVER! The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly

One Direction is back with new material for our eyes and ears. The song, "Best Song Ever," hit radio airwaves last week, along with a serious of cruel and confusing teasers for the video. Each day, a new teaser would reveal another character in this music video, with an uncanny resemblance to a 1D member, except fat, bald, gay, or a woman. I had no idea what direction this video was going, but I was eager (and nervous) to find out. Watch the video below before I take a peck at the boys.

MeTube! HenTube!

Do you follow The Cackling Hen on YouTube? You probably should. The channel is in its elementary stages, and there's just a handful of videos so far, but The Hen's ultimate goal is world-renowned entertainment domination. That may sound lofty, but what's that expression - something about shooting for the moon and falling in the stars? Whatever that expression really is, it's perfect for me. The Hen may not flap as high as Perez Hilton or The Onion, but hopefully I'll fly into a book deal or a B-list city's newspaper column.

Miranda Sings.

The only YouTube personality I follow religiously is Miranda Sings. Miranda is a character performed by Colleen Ballinger (I also follow Colleen), a talented singer and performer who created this hilariously talentless, lip-stick-wearing monstrosity, poking fun at all the talentless and cocky YouTubers out there. I aspire for The Cackling Hen to reach a similar stardom of Miranda Sings and Colleen, but I still have a long way to fly. Colleen and Miranda are great. Both are hilarious. Their channels have millions of views and hundreds of thousands of followers, and rightfully so. I can't get enough! I'll go on the record and officially endorse Miranda Sings and Colleen. Check them out!

Britney with the Smurfs: The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly

When Britney Spears released "Ooh La La" for the Smurfs 2 soundtrack, I knew it was only a matter of time before her music video, where she'd either a) dance with smurfs, or b) be a smurf. Thank the lord "b" didn't happen, but "a" barely happens. Britney is with the smurfs, but I need to look up the definition of "dancing" again. C'mon, Britney! Here's a look at "Ooh La La's" good, bad, and ugly. 

The 4th Hot Dog of July

Bitch stole my outfit.

As a temporarily unemployed hen, my Fourth of July weekend turned into a Fourth of July week. But with hen friends in the coup and enjoying the sights and sounds of new barns and fresh chicken wire, I prolonged my visits and kept cackling. While away from my own farm, I also met a few hens in northern Florida who just didn't understand me. When they assumed, they made an ass of u and me and everyone in between.

For the USA's special day, a few of us hens met at our friend, Erin's house and flapped along to a party at Erin's friend's coup. With the promise of hot dogs and fireworks, I gladly joined. The celebration started in typical cross-group party fashion: one circle of long-time friends each introducing themselves to another circle of long-time friends, and no one remembering anyone's name, including the company we came with. Who's Erin?

#EVERYTHING

#Sassy

This summer marks some monumental change for our country on the federal level. The news is filled with hot-buttoned issues, court decisions, and scandals. After eagerly waiting for weeks and months on decisions that affect many of our lives, we finally saw the change many us have wanted for years. Facebook has incorporated hashtags (#s).

Hashtags (#s) have transformed from something weird on Twitter to commonplace in social media. Did I lose you at the word, "hashtag?" If so, read The Cackling Hen's Guide to Twitter immediately. But while hashtag use is on its way to becoming commonplace, so is a nasty side effect: hashtag abuse and overuse.

New Miley Cyrus! The... the Bad and the Ugly

Miley Cyrus is back with new music! In spite of the criticism she gets, she's put out some catchy pop songs and I was eager to hear her latest. Sure, she's not Hannah Montana anymore, but that's fine with me. Pop stars always sound a little less like chipmunks when they get off the Disney Channel. Her last album, Can't Be Tamed, caught some flack for being too mature, too provocative, or too slutty for a girl her age. But now releasing the We Can't Stop single for Lord only knows what kind of album, it makes all of Can't Be Tamed seem tame enough for the preschool.

Normally I recommend watching the music video at hand if you haven't already, but I can't do that in good conscience. I'll put links to both the video and just the audio of the new song. I endorse listening to the audio quietly while reading this. Watch the video at your own risk.