New Madonna: The Goo...The Bad...No, That's Just Enough.

Make it stop and get off that man.

Madonna is back with a star-studded new music video for "Bitch, I'm Madonna." But Katy Perry, Nicki Minaj, nor Beyonce could salvage this horror of a music video for Madge. I wanted to write a "good, bad, and the ugly" review, but I didn't see anything good until it finished. The bad and the ugly just blurred together from her colored hair to her sucking faces, so all I can say about Madonna is "that's enough." I never thought I'd see a music video that made me think Miley Cyrus wasn't so bad in "We Can't Stop." Madonna must stop.

To give Madonna some credit before the Madge-pecking begins, I am a fan. She's been a huge force in the music industry, pushing boundaries with her music and image. I love Confessions on a Dance Floor; it's my favorite place to confess! But since then, it's been a slow downward spiral of Madonna trying harder and harder to be a 20-year-old sex symbol in a the body of a young grandmother. She seems to throw her vagina in our faces more with each year, when it really should be the opposite.

A Roaring Cluck at Katy Perry

Two of pop music's biggest divas came back roaring to the top of the charts with new singles. Katy Perry and Lady Gaga released their respective new singles recently, flooding the radio airwaves with "Roar" and "Applause." While any Lady Gaga video deserves a hearty peck from The Hen, I'm here to take my first peck at Perry. I have a cluck to her roar.

Meow.

Perry's single, "Roar," has been the number one song on iTunes and roaring on the radio. I was excited when I heard the title. I like powerful animal noises, like clucking. But after hearing it, "Roar" sounded more like a meow from my whiny house cat. It's not a sassy dance jam or a soulful power ballad - it's a run-of-the-mill, mid-tempo pop song trying too hard to be empowering and meaningful. But it's catchy and I can see its appeal, so fine. I'll flap for cover as the next Katy Perry tidal wave heads our way.