June 24, 2015

New Madonna: The Goo...The Bad...No, That's Just Enough.

Make it stop and get off that man.
Madonna is back with a star-studded new music video for "Bitch, I'm Madonna." But Katy Perry, Nicki Minaj, nor Beyonce could salvage this horror of a music video for Madge. I wanted to write a "good, bad, and the ugly" review, but I didn't see anything good until it finished. The bad and the ugly just blurred together from her colored hair to her sucking faces, so all I can say about Madonna is "that's enough." I never thought I'd see a music video that made me think Miley Cyrus wasn't so bad in "We Can't Stop." Madonna must stop.

To give Madonna some credit before the Madge-pecking begins, I am a fan. She's been a huge force in the music industry, pushing boundaries with her music and image. I love Confessions on a Dance Floor; it's my favorite place to confess! But since then, it's been a slow downward spiral of Madonna trying harder and harder to be a 20-year-old sex symbol in a the body of a young grandmother. She seems to throw her vagina in our faces more with each year, when it really should be the opposite.

I can't endorse watching this horror, but here it is if you want horrid visuals to go with my bullet points.

Some key points on why this is truly Madonna at her worst:

Aren't those your grandchildren?
  • The song itself is terrible. Miley Cyrus is Mozart next to this crap. 
  • The video starts with Madonna hanging out with children who are lip-synching her terrible lyrics. What a horrible babysitter. 
  • The clown colors in her hair, along with massive dark roots at the top of her blonde weave, are not cool on anyone, especially a mom...an old mom.
  • We know you're Madonna. Stop calling me a bitch.
  • The brilliant rhyme with Madonna, "Na nana na na."
  • The desperate use of other celebrities is not helping.
  • The best part of the song is when Madonna isn't "singing" and Nicki Minaj takes over. Nicki's not even in the same room as Madge, she's on a screen.
  • Kissing a girl is not shocking anymore, Madonna. You've done it before.
  • The whole video is really just Madonna running around, assaulting people with her raging self. I'd never want to be at a party where there's some crazed woman in her 50s, running around in her daughter's clothing, kissing strangers and throwing mystery roofie drinks down people's throats. That's a true nightmare.
    Is he dead?
  • Did that party kill her at the end? It at least killed a few of my brain cells. 

Madonna is such an icon and musical genius, so I'm just confused on why she feels the needs to lower herself and compete with the "kids" of the music industry with cheap shock value and horrible lyrics. There is enough of that in the airwaves, we don't need it from Madonna. I'm eager to see what comes from her next album, but if it's more sex-symbol grandma with clown hair, that's just enough. 

Are My Room Decorations Trendy or Humiliating? You decide, but don't tell me.

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