The Rudeness of Strangers

Hey! You look like shit!

I was recently insulted by a virtual stranger. I didn't realize it at first since it was masked with a smile in an otherwise polite conversation, but her words were neither compliment nor pleasantry. In a different tone, it would have been obvious, but it took a few sentences and a polite chuckle for it to
sink in.

When we're insulted by someone we barely know, we never respond how we'd like because it's so unexpected. We have the perfect responses after the comment stews in our mind for a day, and we know exactly what we'd say if we were in that situation again. But we never are, so we just have to take it. But The Hen is here to cluck about some of those times where I was accosted by some jerk stranger or acquaintance.

Flying High With One Direction

Two-fifths of One Direction caught smoking pot.

In the history of Hen columns, I've pecked at One Direction more than once - four full columns and countless mentions to be exact. I'm interested in current pop culture and great music, so I keep a hawk eye on the 5 lads, especially when Britney Spears is quiet from extra prescription drugs. So when a 1D scandal flooded my news feed late last night, I had to flap to the issue at a hen's pace. 

When a video leaked of Louis and Zayn proudly smoking marijuana flapped onto the Interwebs, social media nearly exploded as the viral video plucked away some of the gents' clean, boy band image. While I'm sure many fans and parents were dismayed to see their admired boys partaking in something they don't support, marijuana isn't the headline here. The news this story reveals: Louis Tomlinson is a bigger idiot than we assumed.

Exciting American Things!

After my recent Hens on Ice tour took me through Europe for 7 months, I got acclimated to much of the local lifestyles. Living abroad for extended times, I learn about life in other lands, as well as gaining more perspective on life as an American hen. Arguing that one place is better than the other is futile (and infuriating with stubborn birds); I've come to accept that countries are just different from one another, and we can learn and better ourselves from all these differences if we take a broader view to our daily lives.

That being said, I am readjusting to American life after my extended leave. Now that my wings are thawed after a Scandinavian winter, I'm taking a peck at exciting American things I can truly appreciate after being away.

Dear Hen, My Boyfriend Loves One Direction!

My hen friend Kim turns to The Cackling Hen when she needs advice. First, she came to me when she was clueless about Twitter. She may not be a professional yet, but The Hen's Guide to Twitter at least taught her the definition of a hashtag. Unfortunately for her but fortunately for us, Kim has returned to this bird for advice, and I'll be helping her publicly in this article. Move over, "Dear Abby!"

Lim in action!

This time, Kim, who we'll call "Lim," comes to The Hen seeking relationship advice. While I know "Lim" is a great bird, her boyfriend recently is questioning how awesome she truly is. Her boyfriend, who we'll call "Bandrew," is also a huge One Direction fan. Because One Direction is so good, this has put a strain on their relationship, and he's threatened to love the band more than her if she doesn't get "more awesome." While Bandrew's standards are unreasonably high comparing anyone to One Direction, fret no more, Lim! The Cackling Hen has a guide for you!

Hello, Kitty. Goodbye, Avril. The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly

This is the first (and last) Hen article on Avril Lavigne, but with a "song" like "Hello Kitty" that's creating a buzz for being terrible, there is far too much to peck to resist. And I like cats. So back by unpopular demand, here is The Hen's "The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly" for Avril Lavigne's "Hello Kitty."

The End of Groundhog Day

The ice is melting.

Once again, we are ending a Hens on Ice tour. We know it will end when we receive our contracts, but after a while, the rhythm of routine is so powerful that it can't seem possible it will stop. "Bittersweet" is the perfect word to describe the end of tour. But one word doesn't fill a Hen article, so I'll write about
some of the reasons it's best that we wake up from this Groundhog Day and end this long portion of the tour.

Driving In Opposite Land

One of Northern Ireland's most famous sites is Giant's Causeway, a breathtaking coastal area of sea cliffs and unique rock formations. I visited the grand spot two Hens on Ice tours ago and wanted to return. In lieu of taking a mega bus tour plowing through the countryside, many of us discussed renting cars to get there. I pictured the movies, the charm of laughing our way through the rolling hills with the intimacy and comfort of a car. When the question arose of who would actually drive these little manual cars on the left side of the road, I let my friends know I could drive manual if needed. Surely, there'd be enough Brits to drive, but maybe it would come in handy if someone needed a nap or got drunk.

Let's go!

Fast forward to an unforeseen complication with a hen friend's license, and my causal offer turned into this bird renting his first car in opposite land. Cars drive on the left side of the road, the driver's seat is on the right, and I have to shift gears with my left hand. "Giant's Causeway or bust!" could really go either way.

I was excited for many things: spending a day with good friends, seeing beautiful sights, and having my first experience driving on the opposite side of the road. But as I smiled and laughed through gritted teeth getting into the car, I was also slightly terrified to go against all that had been engrained in me when it comes to driving for the past 12 years (I learned to drive in elementary school). But thankfully the car rate included full damage protection. The question wasn't "if" I was going to hit something, but rather "what."

We put the unruly Brit in the front to help guide and keep me on the left, and after a few 3-point turns, we were flying!

I'm Just a Fool

April already?!

It's April Fools' Day and time for The Cackling Hen's second annual foolish article! For those of you muttering that there have been far more than two, you're missing the point. You aren't wrong, but let's focus on April Fools' Day.

This odd "holiday" snuck up on me like a fox in the coop. Last year, I shared two of my most memorable April Fools' Days where I was the fool. This year, I only realized it was April 1 at midnight, leaving little planning for good pranks. Isn't it still February?

I fretted that I'd have nothing to say this year after recapping the only two April Fools' Days I could remember. But I knew I was obligated to write something today, just like I have to give my mother a card on Mothers' Day. Unfortunately I can't get a Hen article at Hallmark. But luckily I can be a gullible bird and I got duped before my daily bird bath.

In the Land of St. Patrick!

Top of the muffin to you! The Cackling Hen survived its first St. Patrick's Day just a Blarney Stone's throw away from the land of Patrick. Living in the U.S., I knew that St. Patty's day has traditionally been a debaucherous day with green liquids flowing, and suddenly everyone is Irish. But I didn't know if that was a global tradition, or something warped by Americans. This year, I learned what St. Patty's day is like in Nottingham, England.

Putting the "Happy" in St. Patrick's Day.

Festive.

Irish.

I joined a flock on hen friends at noon to start the day at a traditional Irish restaurant: Hooters. I was elated to be at a restaurant founded by a bird. We ordered a smorgasbord of fried appetizers and pitchers of American beer. I silently detested anyone eating chicken wings, but in the spirit of the holiday, I kept my beak shut and put my attention to the loaded tater tots. But surrounded by unhealthy food, beer, and good hen friends, I was loving life. After 30 minutes of gorging on tots and fried pickles, I was still loving life, but having trouble breathing and moving.

'Ello, Irrelevance!

I had a good run riding on the coat tails of a grumpy cat, but it's back to reality for The Cackling Hen. I can only gain so many followers from doing nothing more than clicking a button, so it's back to writing for this little bird. Sure, I wrote about Estonia in award-winning fashion, but Tallinn doesn't have the same draw as an angry kitty. Maybe one day it will.

Inspired by the events of the Winter Olympics in Sochi, I wanted to stir the pot with cackles instead of a spoon. I had plenty of opinions on the figure skating events, so I chose to write a letter to Ashley Wagner. Her sour reaction to her scores froze in time in meme form. I thanked her for the new meme, but also had my two cents on her bold presence at the games. Unfortunately, it's hard to type with wings, so plenty of birds clucked their thoughts before mine. Now it's March and #AshleyWagner is irrelevant. Sorry, Ashley, but thanks for the face.