TB = Tom Brady AND Tampa Bay (not from The Onion)

Coronavirus has changed the world in ways we've never seen. Millions of people are quarantined in their homes. Toilet paper is gone. And Tom Brady is a Buccaneer.

There has been zero sports news with zero sporting events, but for the first time in my life, I will thank Tom Brady. We'll get to the Twilight Zone part where Tom joins Tampa Bay, but first, I thank Tom Brady for making news unrelated to the global pandemic.

Everything is cancelled and people's homes are now their personal jail cells, but Tom Brady's coming still registers as an Onion article in my mind, just like a Donald Trump presidency. But after many refreshes and journalistic research, it is true and I repeat: Tom Brady is a Tampa Bay Buccaneer.

apocolypse.

Hot Air and Deflated Balls in Today's News

Footballs.

Breaking: Brady's Balls "Perfect."

Hen articles typically don't get too sporty. I've come to accept that no one cares about the ever-bumbling Buccaneers, and that's where my professional sports loyalties begin and end. However, in the past few days I have not been able to sip my coffee or turn on the TV without getting blindsided with "news" about the inflation level of balls.

As if it wasn't bad enough that a press conference with the Patriots' coach was breaking news on CNN, today the story is the cover story for all of USA Today, a slightly-respected national newspaper! I'm paying as little attention as possible to this "scandal," but as a conscious bird, apparently I have no choice but to have it all thrown in my face.