Hot Air and Deflated Balls in Today's News

Footballs.

Breaking: Brady's Balls "Perfect."

Hen articles typically don't get too sporty. I've come to accept that no one cares about the ever-bumbling Buccaneers, and that's where my professional sports loyalties begin and end. However, in the past few days I have not been able to sip my coffee or turn on the TV without getting blindsided with "news" about the inflation level of balls.

As if it wasn't bad enough that a press conference with the Patriots' coach was breaking news on CNN, today the story is the cover story for all of USA Today, a slightly-respected national newspaper! I'm paying as little attention as possible to this "scandal," but as a conscious bird, apparently I have no choice but to have it all thrown in my face.

Good luck, Colts.

First of all, the issue: It's a ton of speculation, accusations, and denial. So this is going nowhere faster than the goose flies. No one is claiming this altered the outcome of the game, so why do we care? It's not like the Patriots played with a football from the future and the Colts played with a frozen turkey. Two teams, one ball, whatever.

Now I have an issue with all this fluff over a ball. If this needs to be a big deal in the sporting world, fine. (Get a life people and pay more attention to how much the Buccaneers suck.) There are sportsworld is a big place. There's a ton going on that could trump that front page "news" of Tom Brady being "shocked" of these hot-aired allegations.
channels, sections of newspapers, and websites for that. But for the common, sad Buccaneers fan and One Direction fanatic, don't force this crap into my general news airwaves. The country is a big place. The

Some Things More Newsworthy Than Deflated Balls:

• Remember that scary, powerful terrorist group called ISIS who is senselessly killing innocent people in the name of their cause and religion, and basically hates us all? I forgot too. The balls aren't inflated properly.

• How about those slowly-rising seas in an ever-warming planet, where over a billion people live in low-lying coastal areas? Politicians are too busy squabbling with each other to create any helpful policy that might slow or combat this trend in the slightest, and we're too busy arguing over a ball's inflation level in a multibillion-dollar sports industry. At least people in Miami like to swim.

• People all over the world are greatly discriminated against and sometimes killed solely for an inherent trait, such as gender, skin color, sexuality, and religion. Treating other human beings in a way we'd all like to be treated seems simple and logical enough, but that seems like a pipe dream. Just be nice out there, is that so much to ask?

• Remember how we need basic resources to survive? Fuck it, let's keep polluting and wasting unreasonably. The next generations can figure it out, and I'm starting to like oil in my water.

• The Buccaneers get the first pick in the 2015 NFL draft. Who will they pick? Who will they pick? 

• Skymall filed for Chapter 11 bankruptcy protection. And I still don't own the world's largest crossword puzzle.

Dammit.

Maybe my journalism master's degree talons are flying out right now, but thank goodness. In all this hot air and deflation, the world needs a slightly-sane commentary from a clucking bird. Now where can I read more about Skymall?


Read more! I Just Wanted a Sidewalk!
2015 came. So what?