2013 - I Did Things

As a new year without a foreseen apocalypse approaches, people around the world are making lists of resolutions that they'll do until they become mildly inconvenient in mid-January. There are always the exceptions of resolutions that survive the winter and help change our lives for the better, but whatever the result, it's always good to have goals to better ourselves. If nothing else, we at least get a year older.

Last year, I was ambitious and inspired after our world didn't implode, so I made a list of resolutions for 2013.  Without a silly omen to worry about this year, I am less inspired to make a list of resolutions for 2014. But since last year's article was mildly popular, I thought I'd reflect on my ambitions for 2013 and see how successful I was. If I didn't fulfill them, I'll make note of something I did instead. I at least got out of bed 365 times and things happened.

Beach Day in Polandia

Come December, much of the world is cold, dreary, and possibly snowing. Florida is one exception in the U.S. where it cools down, but it's usually still warm enough to go the beach. Typical Florida "humor" is sadistically rubbing it in everyone's faces by taking selfies at the beach tagged, "Beach in December!" like it's a novel event. It's nothing new in Florida, but it really pisses off all friends and family not in Florida. "Jealous!" really means "Fuck you, I'm blocking your social media posts in winter months."

I moved coups to Florida to escape winter forever and to "get an education." When I finished learning, I got a traveling job. (Calm down, I know one never finishes learning or paying Sallie Mae loans.) Nowhere in my contract did I sign up for winter climates, but my feathers are back to enduring winters.

I Resolve Not to Listen to the Ancient Mayans Again

Last year, I avoided the subject of New Year's resolutions by writing a more worldly piece on Britney Spears. I resolved that if we survived the 2012 apocalypse, I'd make some New Year's resolutions. Thanks for the false prediction, Mayans, because now I need to come up with some resolutions. So here we go - The Cackling Hen's first (and maybe last) official set of New Year's resolutions!

Everyone will love it.

• Write daily in my future best-selling novel. Most of you don't know that I am working on a revealing "tell all" about an undisclosed sport that will sell millions of copies. But when I say "working on," that really means I started it last summer (okay, late spring!) with gusto and haven't written a thing in six months. Sure, it may be following the same pattern of my previous failed book attempts, but this one has the most promise. I'm hoping my writing is at least better now than in my unfinished novel I wrote in 8th grade about Cubans in America on the run.