Last year, I was ambitious and inspired after our world didn't implode, so I made a list of resolutions for 2013. Without a silly omen to worry about this year, I am less inspired to make a list of resolutions for 2014. But since last year's article was mildly popular, I thought I'd reflect on my ambitions for 2013 and see how successful I was. If I didn't fulfill them, I'll make note of something I did instead. I at least got out of bed 365 times and things happened.
- Write daily in my future best-selling novel. Well, this went poorly. I could count on one wing how many days I cracked open that novel file and wrote. But I know I wrote at least one new paragraph, if not two or three. I'm on track for a 2125 release date. It'll be worth the wait. But although I basically failed at this goal, I'm still hopeful for the book's future and completion. Instead, I wrote 40 Cackling Hen articles. How can I be expected to finish a book when there are so many cackles?
- Control my facial vomit. This didn't happen. Instead, I stopped caring.
- Start a minor fitness routine. I have maintained the same weight throughout all of 2013, but that wasn't due to the minor fitness routine I hoped to start. I couldn't even get into a 7-minute workout for more than 3 consecutive days. But although sporadic, I do have a varying fitness routine. While with Hens on Ice, the many shows keep me in decent shape. Running around as an artichoke and cowboy is not easy! When I am on breaks from the show, I go to the gym occasionally, swim for 5-minute spurts, and dance like an idiot or Britney Spears whenever possible. Looking back at all that, I didn't start a minor fitness routine, I started a major fitness routine. Part of this 2013 fitness routine has been playing the role of Woody from Toy Story 3 in some of our Hens on Ice shows. That cowboy is manic, running and flying around trying to save the day. There are large boxes, cages, and a kite involved. I won't spoil the plot, but it leaves me one exhausted, wet, sometimes battered hen by the end of the show. But I'm happy to be able to portray the role of a prominent and popular character here and there, especially if it keeps me out of the gym.
- Keep political rants to a minimum. As I predicted, this was pretty easy to uphold without a presidential election. I'm proud of myself! The government shutdown ruffled my feathers, but it also brought the American citizens together to agree on how ridiculous our politicians are as a whole. United we bitch.
- Practicar español más. I'm sorry, I don't understand what this means. Instead, I traveled to many new countries where I didn't understand the language, such as Israel, Serbia, and Poland. Thank you for taking me to many new lands, 2013. I could have done without Evansville, Indiana, but that hate crime was worth it to make it to The Dead Sea later in the year.
Happy 2014 to my loyal readers! I hope the year is filled with resolutions that you don't do exactly, but you realize you did something else decent.