Pros and Cons of a Nine-Month Tour

Last night was our Hens on Ice closing night party. While we still have a week of shows ahead of us, we celebrated like we didn't. And while the fatigue of a nine-month tour kicked in eight months ago, any soreness, bitterness or suppressed disorders got checked at the door with out coats. Okay, we didn't wear coats.

Seeing everyone together dressed nicely and enjoying themselves made me nostalgic over this seemingly endless tour. Sure, we've endured many rough patches along the way, but we got through them together. They say what doesn't kill you makes you stronger, so I've felt strong enough to avoid the gym this year. It's been an emotional roller coaster, so I decided to look back at the pros and cons of a nine month tour.

#Selfie Overload!

It's been a busy few weeks of work and cackle block, but I'm back with a fresh peck at one nasty side effect of social media: self pictures, or "selfies." There was a healthier time when we all just hated pictures of ourselves, so what happened to that?

When I'm doing research on the internet and looking for Grumpy Cat memes, I don't want to see pictures of my "friends" in a bathroom mirror, acting natural - shirtless and making a duck face.  Facebook's name alone suggests I will see a lot of faces when I log on, but I miss the days of more faces with friends and less pouty, pensive faces alone in a dark room...or the car. That can't be safe at 70 miles per hour.

Putting the "Me" in Team

Voting for The Blog Exchange contest is over and thank goodness. While it was a great contest to enter and I hope the judges miraculously choose this hen as a wildcard (I've been called both "wild" and "a card"), I can now get back to business as usual for The Cackling Hen. We'll be back to regular hen promotion instead of daily "vote for me or else" promotion, and that's a big weight off my feathers.

Probably Hen fans.

Since I was close in the running and I have the best following (forget Beliebers!), I knew I had a chance at getting the votes if I spread the word effectively. But although it's free, quick, and not one voter complained (yet), there are only so many creative ways to say "vote for me right now" before it comes across as "EVERYONE NEEDS TO PAY ATTENTION TO ME!" And while clearly everyone should pay attention to The Cackling Hen, I don't want it to come across that way.

Same-Hen Marriage

Let's move on.

"Marriage equality." "Same-sex marriage." "Gay marriage." "Grumpy cat memes." All these terms have been thrown around incessantly as the Supreme Court debates on California's Prop. 8, which banned same-sex marriage (but thankfully not grumpy cats) in the state. Since it's such a hot-button issue and I
hate being cold, here's a peck at the matter from The Hen.

As a reasonably educated hen, this heavy debate involving the government, religion, gay rights, human rights and grumpy cats doesn't make much sense. As much as I love warm temperatures, it's gotten far too heated for my liking. The issue of same-sex marriage doesn't personally affect the vast majority of Americans, so why do so many hens have their feathers beyond ruffled?

A Foolish Day

It was just the neighbor.

In honor of April Fool's Day, I felt obligated (in a good way) to write something since this is a humor column. If I stayed silent today, it would be like The Pope being silent on Easter or me being silent about Chick-fil-A.

While April Fool's Day is nationally recognized, people's participation is unpredictable. The goal is to fool people, so we need to act natural but scream, "April fools!" when we convince our friends we saw Britney Spears at Costco. I love fooling people, but I've also been fooled, so I'm on guard all day, suspicious of everyone's every word. I thought I was being fooled today at McDonald's, but it turns out they were just slow and incompetent in making my meal. Still, I kept staring deep into my cashier's eyes until my food was delivered and I was escorted out by the manager for "harassing" her.

Can I Ask You a Question?

Can I be honest?

I recently spent a few of my days off at home. With just me in the house, it was very quiet (minus the cats) and I enjoyed our peaceful neighborhood on the fringe of Lakeland, Florida. But one morning, as I pushed through the overgrown palm fronds to get the newspaper, I heard a clamor that was neither the cattle mooing behind our house nor me swearing at the ridiculously overgrown palm fronds. It was a grown man down the street having a conversation with another man at a volume the whole neighborhood could hear, except the "conversation" was really just Yelling Man A squawking at Standing Man B. As I pretended to be caught in the palm tree so I could eavesdrop, I realized that we too often ask questions that we don't let be questions.

New One Direction! The Good, the Bad and the Ugly

While Britney Spears is The Cackling Hen's favorite for many things, such as musical artist, performer and mom (don't tell mother hen), she is neither a boy nor a band. The Hen also loves (good) boy bands, and One Direction wins this category for me and millions of tween girls around the globe. Sorry, Britney!

I'm not a boy band.

The 5 Eurolads are back again with a new (covered) song and video! Here's a look at the good, the bad and the ugly.

Pecking Away the Glam Part I

Yes.

No.

It is my second year on the road with Hens on Ice. Aside from loving to perform as a show hen, the travel can be a major perk of the job. But like any job, there are good days and bad, pros and cons, coffee and decaf. When I returned from my European tour last year, a few too many people asked me, "How was your trip?" I wasn't backpacking across Europe; I was working! I realized some of my hen friends still didn't understand the bad, cons and decaf of it all. While I do enjoy my work and the places I've been, I also want to bust any myths or delusions that I'm galavanting from city to city in private jets with champagne. We're more of a tequila coup. Here are a few things that suck the glamour out of my life.

Tweets from Cher Part I

All went to hell when she found power button.

The Cackling Hen prides itself with being savvy in social media. I even wrote a guide to Twitter! In spite of this guide, it seems like not everyone has read it yet. Keeping up with endorsed celebrities, some stand out more than others on Twitter. Ellen DeGeneres makes me laugh and Snooki makes me wonder why I still follow her, but Cher takes the cake and eats it too. Her use of Twitter makes me wonder if she's really crazy or just has no concept of how to use Twitter semi-appropriately. Here are 5 select tweets from Cher. 

Bleeding Love

Someone shovel me.

After having a relatively mild winter last year on Hens on Ice's European tour, we've gotten the brunt of Old Man Winter this year stateside. I thought I was done with winter in 2004 when I moved from Colorado to Florida, where winter is any temperature below 60 degrees. Now that I have a traveling job, I have to bear places with real seasons. Life is hard.

Last year when it dipped below 60, I threw on layers and coats and told myself, "I'm in Europe." Even frostbite wouldn't stop me from taking pictures in Belgium while it was frozen. This year, I tried to tell myself the same thing, but I knew I was a liar. Knowing warm, sunny Florida is just a stone's throw away compared to last year, I've saved my whining only for when it's extremely cold. It's been extremely cold for two months now. "I hate winter" is my new "I'm in Europe."