November 26, 2015

Trying to be Thankful on Turkey Murder Day

For Thanksgiving to be truly happy, you should be eating ham. While it's a time to give thanks and be grateful, it's also a time to mourn all the senseless turkey killing. But in the spirit of Thanksgiving, I'll focus on the positive and not hen murder. (There's a shocking interview exposé for that HERE.)

Some things for which I'm thankful this Thanksgiving:


  • One Direction's new hit single, "Perfect." Finally a song about me, since I like causing trouble in hotel rooms, I like having secret little rendezvous, I like to do all things I know we shouldn't do, I like driving with the windows down, I like going places we can't even pronounce, and I like to do whatever I've been dreaming about. I guess this makes me a perfect bird. I won't argue as I play the song on repeat, driving with my windows down.
  • Mother Goose is out of the hospital and back to cooking Thanksgiving dinner. Last year, mom was in the hospital, dad was in Vegas solo, and I was in Des Moines, Iowa. I don't know who had it worse. But this year we're back where we belong, under one roof (even with grandma!), cooking a large dinner and yelling at each other over card games.
  • TGI Fridays' late night happy hour. While I'm performing with Shamu at Sea World, nothing caps off the night of performing like $3 dollar long islands across the street. My friends and I are making great new companions and over-tipping with the Fridays' serving staff.
  • Obamacare. Sure, I recently lost my health insurance after leaving Hens on Ice, but I qualified for $20 off my premium through Obamacare. It's a steep monthly fee I've never had to pay before, but $20 off anything makes me feel special.
  • The Tampa Bay Buccaneers aren't a complete embarrassment anymore. They're only a slight embarrassment, and they've won some games. Yay, football!

Go Bucs!

But I'll be the most thankful if you have ham for Thanksgiving! Be thankful and make the right choice.

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