Cackling 'Til the World Ends

So, the world didn't end.

God's revenge.

The Mayans predicted the end of the world for December 21, 2012. Their calendar had been spot on up until now, so many people at least entertained the idea of our demise on that date. In days leading up to the 21st, each news article revealed more facts and opinions dismissing doomsday, but this potential apocalypse still grabbed (too much) attention. Why didn't any of these arguments discrediting the apocalypse come out any sooner than the week of the frenzy? At least the Mayans had more credibility than that Christian whack job (Harold Camping) who keeps picking random dates for the end of the world, who is wrong every time, but still gets media attention. I say the world will end on August 5, 2985 (my 1,000th birthday), will you listen to me?

No one can save us!

I remember when I first heard of this Mayan prophecy - watching a video in my 9th grade history class. We watched a documentary on the Mayans, how advanced they were and how accurate their ancient calendar had been. I was so impressed. Then in the 59th minute, the narrator dropped a bombshell as the music transitioned from native flutes to destruction film soundtrack: The Mayans predicted the end of the world on that specific date, 2012. There were then rapid flashes of floods, volcanos, earthquakes and utter chaos before the screen went black, the lights went on and class was over. Yikes! And Cheyenne Mountain High School expected me to carry on like normal after that?

I watched that documentary in 2000. While 2012 seemed like a ways away at the time, it didn't seem far enough. I did the math and thought how unfair it was that I'd only be 27 when the world ended. I would be in the height of my music career as the lead singer of a global boy band, and it would all end just like that! ...Stop, stop! I know what you're thinking. Just stop right there. I know, I know, you can't believe how on earth I could be a day over 21. I know, I know! I get it all the time.

There would have been a few nice things about the world ending on the 21st. No more political ads, I would have gotten out of Christmas shopping and gone out in the height of my fictional music career. But since the Mayans were wrong and are probably getting a good laugh at all this, I have no choice but to keep juggling my internet stardom and fictional music career. Britney Spears said she'd be dancing 'til the world ends, and at 31, she may have been hoping the Mayans were right. Well, keep those heals on and blisters bandaged, because we'll just have to cackle (and dance) 'til the world ends.

My feet hurt. Damn Mayans.

Keep reading! After this, I resolved not to listen to the Mayans.