A Foolish Day

It was just the neighbor.

In honor of April Fool's Day, I felt obligated (in a good way) to write something since this is a humor column. If I stayed silent today, it would be like The Pope being silent on Easter or me being silent about Chick-fil-A.

While April Fool's Day is nationally recognized, people's participation is unpredictable. The goal is to fool people, so we need to act natural but scream, "April fools!" when we convince our friends we saw Britney Spears at Costco. I love fooling people, but I've also been fooled, so I'm on guard all day, suspicious of everyone's every word. I thought I was being fooled today at McDonald's, but it turns out they were just slow and incompetent in making my meal. Still, I kept staring deep into my cashier's eyes until my food was delivered and I was escorted out by the manager for "harassing" her.


I wish I had a rich tradition of April Fool's Day pranks, but I don't. So I'll share the only two vivid memories I have of past Fool's Days I can remember through my hangover.

As a fresh six-year-old chick, I was eager to fool someone for the first time. Pecking around my first grade classes, I spied the perfect fool - our substitute music teacher. During class, we played xylophones, chirped some songs, and whatever else first graders did in music classes in the early 90s. As we all picked up our xylophones and mallets, I ran up to our teacher and told her she lost an earring.  As soon as her eyes peered down at the floor, I yelled, "April Fools!" and ran away. I was so proud of myself and apparently still am, since it's the only good fooling moment I can remember and it wasn't even good. Maybe her glance down wasn't even looking for her earring still on her ear; maybe her glance down was to look at some loud little chick squawking something at her knee level.

I'm gonna fool the hell out of her.

Where's the "gotcha" emoticon?

My other vivid April Fool's memory is a time I was fooled. It was my freshman year of college and AOL Instant Messanger was still a popular form of communication. Like most evenings, I sat in my dorm room chatting with friends online instead of doing my homework. It was getting late, so I had already mentally checked out of April Fool's Day and being awake as I chatted with a close friend from across the country. Little did I realize for her, it was 3 hours earlier and still prime fooling time. The tone of our conversation got serious quickly when she asked to confide in me about her recent pregnancy. I was in disbelief for my young hen friend, but wanted to offer as much support as I could long distance over an instant messenger. Then she went on to talk about how she couldn't keep the baby and wanted an abortion, but she wouldn't tell her parents, so she was going to use a coat hanger. Still fooled, I freaked out and expressed it by typing in ALL CAPITAL LETTERS. I COULDN'T LET HER PERFORM A COAT HANGER ABORTION ON HERSELF! After a few exchanges of online shouting, she finally ended it with "APRIL FOOLS!" I was stunned that I could fall for that. This was the first of many times I'd learn just how much of communication can be lost in type. I also learned to be wary of what I read and see on the internet. Maybe that shark didn't really jump out of the water to eat a helicopter.

Whether you're a fooler or a fool, have a great day and be careful. You can't trust anyone today, so you may as well have some fun. Feel free to steal my elementary school prank. I wouldn't recommend jokes dealing with abortions.