October 8, 2012

Romney is Worse Than Colonel Sanders

New debate: who gets the drumstick?
Last week was the first of too many presidential debates between President Obama and Mitt Romney. In an effort to distance myself from political commentary and lower my blood pressure, I opted for a sassy dinner out with hen friends over watching the debate. I will admit I did check my Twitter feed just long enough to scream across the table for five seconds, yelling five profanities about the debate's absurdity, but other than that, it was a lovely dinner of cackles and Thai food.

When I returned after some chicken dance and cocktails, I glanced at the news(feed) to look for a brief summary of any hot topics, outrageous quotes or fist fights from the debate. I was shocked to see numerous headlines with both Mitt Romney and Big Bird. What the hell is going on? Those two have as much in common as Steve Martin and Queen Latifah in Bringing Down the House. But there are no zany antics or Betty Whites in these headlines.

First of all, Big Bird is the bird for all the fowl out there. I have a big (bird) problem with anyone who is going to attack or threaten (or both!) our head bird. You won't see The Cackling Hen threatening God or Britney Spears, so leave Big Bird alone! Consider every last feather of mine ruffled!

I don't like this plan
In a nutshell, Romney said that he likes Big Bird (Yay! You got my vote!) but he would eliminate federal funding for PBS, the home of Big Bird (Excuse me?! I'd now vote for Sarah Palin over you!). Why not just say, "Hey, children of America, I like you, but I won't be funding your public education anymore, so you'd better start selling a shit ton of lemonade to keep yourselves in those classrooms, okay?" No, Romney. If you really like Big Bird, you don't take the funding for his home. My parents paid for my meals growing up, and even when the budget was tight, they never threatened to cut my accommodations. Besides, my lemonade was watery and only mustered up a few pity dollars.

So just as I tried to drift out of the political firestorm, Romney made it personal. No one threatens my role model, my leader, unscathed. Romney, meet feathers of fury! Hens unite - Big Bird for president!

Big Bird for President!

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