January 25, 2012

Flicks This Chick Missed Part I

Every rose has its thorns and every hen has its flaws. Evidently this hen clucks when it comes to being hip to the silver screen. I frequently shock other poultry when they are talking about a movie "everyone has seen" and I'm the hen who hasn't. Let me apologize for having ADD and living below the poverty line. I barely have the focus and money for a bowl of ramen noodles, let alone watch something that may or may not be good for two hours. And that tub of popcorn is half my weekly income.

Popular movies I haven't seen:

*Harry Potter, not one: As unrealistic as movies can be, I still like to pretend it could be reality. In my twenty-something years in this world, I have never seen one wizard, nor had any dreams about them. In high school, I tried to read the first book in Spanish. I wasn't terribly interested, but I thought it'd be a fun challenge and good practice to try it in Spanish. After two pages and paper cuts from the Spanish-English dictionary, both Harry and that dictionary ended up chucked onto my book shelf, where they remain today. I couldn't really get into X-Men and their super powers, so I'm certainly not going to believe some goofy looking kids can fly on brooms. Our household broom barely shuffled dust around, since all its bristles had hardened and welded together since its purchase in the 1977.

*Lord of the Rings, not one: Here again, I had a traumatic experience with a book as an adolescent. Entering junior high school, my dad wanted me to read more, so he insisted I read a chapter of The Hobbit every night. I now see his intentions were good, but I still don't know what a hobbit is and don't care to read about it. And where do rings and the Lord come in? This book was in English, so I got about 60 pages in before I chucked it to the floor.

*Clueless: This one I would really like to see, but I have a decent clue of what's going to happen. A ditzy, sassy blonde high school girl bops around with her less attractive, less blonde sassy friends and we all get good laughs from their one-liners. By the end of the movie, Alicia Silverstone gets more of a clue about life and is ready for college. She and her frumpier gal pals vow to stay friends for life, even while miles apart. This lasts for one semester since they don't have E-mail and get tired of writing notes and buying stamps. Am I close? If not, I at least have material for a new movie from recycled plot lines. Call me, Spielberg.

*Moulin Rouge: I've seen the music video with Christina Aguilera, Lil' Kim and those other girls numerous times. That counts for something, right? Apparently not. Anytime this cat gets out of the bag in casual conversation, it's more like a saber tooth tiger. Anyone with an ounce of sass to them (or more) is horrified that I haven't seen this flick. Since I only have sassy hen friends, the backlash is never ending - at dinner parties, at the water cooler, at breakfast. The sass community is ready to burn me at the stake if I don't watch it within the next year, and I'm not ready for my feathers to be plucked. Did I mention I've seen the music video? Christina's my favorite.

So, tell me, what else am I missing on the silver screen? And where do they hide the silver?

KEEP READING! "Things Only Britney Can Get Away With."

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