June 16, 2014

Next, Please!

I'm just so overrated!
After last Monday's mildly successful "The Rudeness of Strangers," I've been thinking all week of how I could follow up with another riveting article to start the work week. Ideas included bashing the Kardashians (all of them!) or commenting ignorantly on the World Cup (Go Cameroon!). But after a week of procrastination, Monday arrived and I thought Tuesday would have to be the day. Thankfully, today's mundane errands turned foolish when I flapped into one dumb bird!

I started a Father's Day crafts project last week that has turned into a summer solstice crafts project. A Target gift card would have been easier than these homemade coasters, but I was determined to get crafty with Pinterest. With step C nearly dry, I needed the last obscure supply: acrylic sealer. Neither Wal-Mart nor Burger King sell it, so I was forced into Michael's.

Once I found the sealer and 4 other items for future coop remodeling, I fluttered to the lone cashier at the same time as every other unemployed woman in the store. While the shopper at the register clucked over her coupons not working, another cashier opened the next register and hollered, "I can help the next in line please."

The woman next in line didn't budge. The girls behind her didn't move. I didn't want to be that jerk that cuts 5 people when a new register opens, so I didn't move. For an endless 15 seconds, no one breathed. The cashier hollered again, "I can help the next in line please!"

The large mom and her son behind me hesitantly started lumbering toward the new register. "Are you sure you don't want to go ahead?" She asked the woman next in line.

"I just don't know how they want us to do this." The woman replied a bit exasperated, as if that resolved the issue.

"You can go ahead." The mom said, gesturing her  to the next register, a bit baffled.

"Well, how do they want us to do this? Do they want us to split the line? How does this work?" The woman squawked, flapping her wings in the same spot. The mom and the cashier stared at her dumbfounded. Everyone stayed frozen. The woman then hollered to the new cashier, "How do you want us to do this?" The cashier tried to shrug politely, her eyes darting from this woman to the mom. The woman turned to the girls next to her, "I just don't know how they want to do this!"

My eyes bulged at this woman in disbelief, as 3 people could have paid and left in the time this stupid debate was taking. Go, don't go, I'm fine with either, just pick one!

"I can help the next in line!" Hollered a third cashier. The woman and the girls behind her walked over without hesitation. I was now next in line behind the same coupon woman, who finally sorted something out to save that dollar.

"I just don't know why they have to make it so complicated!" Coupon lady barked as she whisked her bag away.

I said hi to the cashier as she scanned my items. Her reply was slamming my items back on the counter and stating my total. I'm getting dad a Target gift card for next year's summer solstice.


Keep reading! "Exciting American Things!"

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